An Ailing Wife and Making it Happen

So, this is the thought/issue/incident that triggered this whole blog.

For background purposes, my wife of 12 years suffers from a brain tumor.  This is not a new occurrence.  In fact she was diagnosed with it 11 years ago.  Since then there have been three long-distance moves, four job changes (for me), two girls born, two surgeries, one round of radiation, five or six (I cant remember) rounds of chemo therapy and countless MRI scans and doctor’s trips.

The nature of her tumor is that this has been a progressive disease.  Slowly over the years bits of her have been stripped away by a combination of the surgeries, drugs and disease.  Of late, that downward spiral has hastened.

One of the things I worked out with her doctor a long time ago was that when the time came to have the talk with the girls and start preparing for the end she would let me know.  My wife never asks about prognosis.  I think its part the disease and part just not wanting to know.

Yesterday, I got the call. Prognosis is not good–and I should start to get the girls in that frame of mind.  Along with that will come a home health aide into the house for four hours a day five days a week. Yeah, things are changing and there is not much I can do on that front. Shit happens.

So I am trying to focus on things I can control. How to talk to the girls. How to reduce the tension in the house that has been building.  I have been walking around angry of late–because everything is on me.

I commute four hours/day to work.  I leave the house at 7 in the morning and get home close to 9 at night.  Not much happens in the house in between. Dishes usually wait. Laundry always waits. The girls have chores to do, but there is no follow up.

I need to let those things roll off my back some and focus on just getting things done and making things comfortable–honestly more for the girls than for her, but really for everyone.

We should have moved this summer into the city–and streamlined so much.  But we didn’t.  Shit happens.  Have to look forward and play this hand, rather than worrying about the missed cards, right?


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